does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
