awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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