i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
