You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
