With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
