Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
