She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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