I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
