please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This baby is an asshole
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
