do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
