she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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