My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
