the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
