he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
