We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
