I love black thongs
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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