I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
