Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
