Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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