how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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