Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
