Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
