so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
