He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
