I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
