then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
