make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
