mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
