my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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