You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
