Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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