don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
