yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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