hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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