just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
