when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
