I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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