so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
