Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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