You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
