When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
this hospital has no fireball
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
