I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
