i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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