John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
