which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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