her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
