whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
