Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
