I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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