who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
