she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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