I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
