My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
