fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
