Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
