I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
