don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
